The Beat Goes On

More dates, more reflections

Date #11: I just came back from this date. Indian chick. Just turned 30. Loud. Bubbly. Super cute. Comes from money. She trains. Looks-wise she reminds me of the uptown Coolie girls I used to drool over when I was a teenager¹. She lives kinda far from me so I chose a place in the middle. A nice spot that I’ve been to before, and this time I got the side by side seats. We sat arms distance apart for majority of the date. Covered the usual first date topics. My first attempts to touch her were met with resistance. She’d lean back to dodge my touch. Closer to the end when I felt like we had warmed up to each other, I asked her “Why are you sitting so far away? Come over here.” She replied with, “No, you come over here.” I told her to come over one more time, but she wouldn’t budge. She said she was shy. So I went close enough to her to put my arm around her. We stayed like that for the rest of the time. We had good banter mixed in with some life talk. Without me bringing it up, she mentioned if she didn’t have to go out of town in the morning she would have come to my place. I said I’d get her an Uber if she wanted to come, but it was already late. No need to press the issue. Small peck before we parted ways. She had on a juicy bright red lip stick that would’ve been smeared all over both of us had we kissed deeply. We’ve made loose plans to see each other again soon.

Reflection: I was able to use recent reference experiences to give examples of things I like or do not like. For example, I told her about D2 with Ms. Thik (below), and how I don’t think she wanted to be there and how she should have just not come over to my place. I want the girls that come into my space to be enthusiastic or at least open to who I am and our experience together. Sometimes it’s hard to tell where some girls are in their experience with me, but I suppose the more dates and approaches I do, it will be easier to recognize patterns. Perhaps I’ll also get better at persuading them if they are on the fence.

Threesomes came up. Apparently, she gets threesome offers often. She says she’s not into it. Never had one. On the other hand, she was pretty realistic and very straightforwardly told me, “You’re probably dating other women, so all I expect this early on is that you strap up and get tested.” Fair enough.

Where I need to be careful if we continue seeing each other is, I don’t think she has any concept of money. Her parents pay for everything. I will not become their replacement. Thou shall not get keychained²! lol I said it here.

Date #10: Another loud mexicana. Early 30s. Strong personality. She’s definitely fun. Before our date I told her, “I hope you’re fun. I think I’m a little too spicy for Hinge girls³, tbh.” And she replied with “lol you have to take you talents to Feeld.” Interesting… I decided to go to the bar on my street that I’ve been sleeping on. Who knew it was so amazing! All the seating is side by side, and the vibe is intimate. This will be my new go to spot. Upon meeting her, my first observations were her face is cute, but she has on a few extra pounds. Which sucks because she’s kinda cool. We started off with normal conversation, and then we circled back to Feeld. She opened up to me about the time she had a threesome with the guy she was seeing and another girl. When I asked her how it was, she said, “It was awesome!” Bingo. From there I felt comfortable telling her her about my first and only threesome with two older ladies I met at a festival, and my introduction to the lifestyle through dance partners, etc. Her cold read of me was spot on. She told me that “There are so many experiences and people to explore, and you’re doing that; however, you also want connection.” Pretty damn spot on. She was like, “I’m down with that.” Wow. She was handing herself to me on a platter. Apparently I’m also the first person she’s been on a date with since she’s moved to the city. So it seems she wants to dance with me, and explore sex and kink with me. We kissed. It wasn’t the hottest, but still nice lips. And she promptly texted me afterward. Lots of enthusiasm. She told me she’s never had a first date like this. This girl thought I was awesome, and expressed that verbally. The SMV mismatch was too big for me. This is my ego talking, but I hate seeing good looking guys especially, walking with tubby/f*gly girls like they don’t have any choice⁴. You do. Learn game, and choose wisely.

Reflection: I was able to be super direct with her, which was awesome. However, her personality is a lot like most of the mexicanas I tend to attract. Do I really want to repeat? There is the potential opportunity to explore with someone, but I get the sense I will have to keep my boundaries around my time super tight. I would also have to keep tight boundaries around our activities as to not lead her on. And then there’s the body. It’s more of an ego thing than an arousal thing. Overall, she seems cool, but my ego is saying,”No.” I’ll sleep on this on. Dates are still lining up!

After re-reading this, I’m a no. If she reaches out I will tell her kindly. Something along the lines of, “I enjoyed our date, but I’m not feeling it 100%. I wish you well.”

D2 with Ms. Thik: (Date #9) This was a weird one. On our first date, she said she wanted to try a food spot near my place. I made this our second date, and told her that she would be paying. She agreed. The theme of the date was supposed to be food and “footsies.” The first sign it wasn’t going to go well was that she didn’t confirm when I told her the details of the date. I followed up with her the day of, and she sounded enthusiastic, but it felt forced. Upon meeting her, she seemed like she was barely there. Lots of yawning, and saying she was tired. I honestly should have told her to leave from then. lol She bought our food, and then we headed back to my place. Usually when girls come over, even for the first time, they hand me their coat so I can hang it up in the closet. She hung hers on the front door. Next thing, we’re sitting on the floor in my place. She didn’t want to sit next to me. She decided to sit opposite me and far away. Her awkwardness rubbed off on me, so we basically just sat there chewing and asking the most basic questions. This time the food wasn’t as sexy. At some point during the conversation, she told me how she’d been in therapy for ten years and that everybody should go to therapy. I told her I tried it, and I wasn’t a fan. She cringed. I started talking about letting go of negativity and how breathing to stimulate the vagus nerve could help reduce anxiety and stress. “Do you know what the vagus nerve is?” I asked. “No.” she replied with a wrinkled face of cringe. I had her take a deep inhale/exhale with me. More cringe. Then, I tried to get her moving by asking her to dance. Even that didn’t work. She doesn’t like dancing. Huge red flag for me. haha. She thwarted my attempts to get physically close to her, and she decided to leave. Before she walked out the door, for some dumb reason I tried to signal a kiss (I shouldn’t have; I should have just let her leave), and she said “I don’t want to.” Fair enough. Good riddance.

Reflection: One thing I should have done is call out the awkwardness. “Hey, I noticed you don’t look comfortable.” or “You don’t look like you’re having a good time. What’s up?” Followed by, “Maybe we should try this again some other time when you’re in a better mood.” Or not. Overall though, I don’t think this had much to do with me. She seemed unhappy, that she didn’t know what she was doing with her life, and like she didn’t want to be on the date/in my space. Even if game would’ve have changed this in the short-term, I doubt this is someone I would’ve wanted to continue seeing. It’s my turn to have fun.

D2 with Date #8: As soon as I arrived she let me know that she was only able to stay for an hour and had made other plans after. Not much to say here. It was like pulling teeth. Per her words, she’s not very interested in dating at all. So I really don’t know what she was doing out with me other than being a time suck. There were laughs, but no chemistry. She squeamishly gave me a hug when we said goodbye. She texted me the next day to say she wasn’t feeling it. Not surprised. I think she knew that from the first date.

1. Hot girls are regular people too. I get that now.

2. A term Dante uses to describe FLR (female led relationships) where you’re getting dragged along… like a key chain. Also to describe guys that fit a certain archetype that girls use like accessories to their lifestyle.

3. Going to use this on dates, and in some messages to qualify chicks that might be down for exploration.

4. I don’t want to be one of them.