One Approach and the Art of Letting Go
It was cold today, but I didn’t have much going on so on a whim I forced myself to leave the apartment and brave the cold.
I did one approach.
Indian chick with some clunky ass boots. I started speaking and then I realized she had headphones in. I waved to get her attention. “I just had to ask. Are those comfortable?” I said.
“What?”
“Your boots.”
“Yea, they are. And they’re Timberlands.” she said smiling at me.
Right here I went into agreement mode and trying to ask what she was listening to. I think I would’ve been better off saying something like,
“O werd. They look clunky as hell.” Or something to spike her emotion.
We exchanged names, and in a matter of what seemed like milliseconds her facial expression changed. She said, “I have to be somewhere” and made a sharp left turn out of my radius.
Today was a weird day because I felt like there was a cloud over my head. Not quite in a playful mood.
Last week I was supposed to have 3 dates. 1 from online got canceled because she didn’t like one thing I said, one got postponed until our schedules can align (maybe never), and the one I did have confirmed I am not satisfied with the quality of women that are showing up in my life. Two people also pointed out that the quality of the women I was describing seemed pretty low. I appreciate those people for being real with me. I was really interested in pushing through for the experience and the exploration. I’m trying to give myself a bit of grace, but each experience left me a little more disgusted and frustrated with myself.
At the moment, I’m taking a break. I’ve deleted all my apps to kill the illusion that anything good is going to come of me swiping. I need to get back to the streets. I also have other things I would like to focus on. I deleted my social media a couple months ago, so I basically don’t exist again. I've gone back to living in a vacuum until my solo trip next month and I figure out which classes/activities outside of work that I’d like to fill my time with. Right now I’m thinking about taking signed up for a photography class to start when I return. I’ve never liked being out all the time. So I guess I have to force this a little bit so I don’t seem “boring.” Personally, I like to stagger out my activities and social events so I can decompress and be refreshed for the next thing.
I’m also trying to dial in my nutrition again. Here I was super excited, because I had done so much work to figure out a key component to my nutrition. I had been chatting with RQ privately about why normal/better quality women might be avoiding me. I mentioned my stats and he said I was fat1. According to most people and myself, I’m fit. However, if I look at a Body Mass Index calculator, yes, I am indeed a few pounds overweight. I’m probably sitting around 20% body fat, if I had to guess. So not lean, means fat.
When I revisited my Cronometer app, I realized I am in a slight calorie surplus at the moment and I’ve probably been overeating for the last two months. Which is crazy, because I never thought my skinny ass would gain much muscle or fat, for that matter. Times sure are a changin’.
The way I’ve designed my meals, it has been as simple as cutting out a meal and making some tweaks to make sure the daily protein is maxed out. I’m currently on Day 4 of the cut. Generally feel like death in the mornings, so on the days before I train I will most likely eat a little later. Aiming to cut ~500 calories; by Thursday I’ll be down to 2038 calories and I’ll ride that out for the next 3 weeks. Then I will revise for my next training block depending on how well I’m maintaining my strength and general mood2. Add a little jump rope and some daygame strolls, and voila! I am a lean machine. Maybe I’m underestimating myself, but given the amount of muscle mass I have, I’ll be highly surprised if getting super lean changes anything with the ladies. We shall see.
Over here looking like a damn action figure. Where’s Barbie at?
This also frees up time. Less time eating and prepping food, less time doing groceries, and a few more dollars saved. More time to work and talk to girls. Yay. The goal is to shed 15-20 lbs of fat in the next 2-3 months. I won’t be counting calories on my solo trip, but other than that, I should be able to stay on track. Especially if the girls I want continue to avoid me.
This whole process is really challenging for me, and it is teaching me the art of letting go. I am holding on for dear life to a person I barely recognize, and each failure and frustration is revealing a layer of my old self that I need to shed. I am hanging on by a thread. More than likely, the old me cannot exist to reach new levels. The old me must die. If I want better, I better do better or I will continue to suffer in purgatory.
I appreciate the honesty.
Will aim to drop in increments of 250 calories if necessary after this training block.
Bad moods are tough.
>>I mentioned my stats and he said I was fat
I did not use that word! "weight might be a big challenge / blockage" can be seen as equivalent, but I can phrase things more delicately...
The general debugging point is to start with the easy or obvious stuff and move on from there. In game terms, while working on the interpersonal (approaches, banter, cold reads, etc.), it is also useful to check weight / fashion / posture / etc.
Success is sometimes a matter of fixing a series of problems.
As you have likely seen in your life, most people approximately image match, https://theredquest.substack.com/p/sonny-arvado-and-pancake-mouse-on-the-image-match-and-reciprocity
Getting better girls usually means a guy raising his own value. Sometimes it means the guy having something extraordinary about him... could be fame, wealth, social skills, local status (he's a locally known DJ, whatever). Pay attention to guys with hot chicks, especially a succession of hot chicks, and there is almost always something extraordinary in one domain, or he's above average in a bunch of domains, including social skills, fearlessness in the face of rejection, etc.
Every guy I'm aware of who has tried online dating and cold approach finds higher quality from meeting girls in real life. The exception might be super photogenic chads who can do either but the # of super photogenic chads is small.
Many of the best chicks I've ever been with have said that they have never done online. Huge adverse selection problem with online, particularly 25+.
You tagged a cute dancer from dancing recently, right? That means you're in the game.
>>Right now I’m thinking about taking signed up for a photography class to start when I return
Wonder if the photo class will have some cute arty girls in it or if it will be neckbeards. Cooking classes might also be good...
Everyone has a theory about nutrition and everyone is n=1 but I have found focusing on food composition much more important than counting calories.
>>More than likely, the old me cannot exist to reach new levels
In my view life is a series of deaths and rebirths, until the final death... psychedelics sometimes facilitate this...