I took almost 6 months off from dating as I knew I would repeat my pattern unless I did something. This was definitely the right course of action for me.
As adults, we seek out the disfunction we’re raised with because it feels normal. I was raised by a BPD mother so I married a BPD woman. I felt abandoned as a kid so I got into relationships where feared being abandoned. Conventional talk therapy helped me confront these shadows within - it was hard, it sucked, had my dark night of the soul. I was fortunate to find the right therapist; a bachelor in his forty’s who kept gently pushing me out of my dysfunctional comfort zone. Yoylo’s suggested course of action can definitely work as well; find what works for you.
You dodged a bullet and I’m both happy and relieved for you. Reading this two-part blog made me uncomfortable as it took me back to where I’ve been.
You’ve found your shadow, you’re half way to healing.
I was married for 18 years. I took 6+ months off before I started dating. Within 4 months I was in another relationship that lasted 7 years. Promised myself I wouldn’t begin dating again until I felt ready; that took almost 8 months. It was during this time that I encountered my dark night of the soul.
Been single and dating now for 2+ years, happiest I’ve been in my life.
I am certainly older than you, have a daughter, and a small group of amazing male friends. I don’t need a woman in my life anymore, so any I allow in has to be worth the effort. As Neitzsche (roughly) said, women are the most dangerous plaything.
I haven’t, and sometimes I feel I should. I often reflect on your post about sharing our stories; there’s the double benefit of perhaps helping someone else and putting into words the thoughts and emotions that sometimes get stuck inside us.
Regarding therapy, the most important part is to understand why you did it in a first place and what's driving your behaviour. I found a conventional talk therapy pretty useless for that.
What I'd recommend is you find a good NLP practitioner who does personal breakthrough sessions. If they are good, they will run a detailed personal history around your presenting problem and your patterns will pop in withing a single session.
When I did mine, she pretty quickly uncovered all the abandonment issues that drive my BPD-like behaviours. Now I understand myself better and the way I act and what drives it so I can pay attention to my own behaviours and don't run everything on autopilot.
I took almost 6 months off from dating as I knew I would repeat my pattern unless I did something. This was definitely the right course of action for me.
I found him doing a regional search on psychologytoday.com.
As adults, we seek out the disfunction we’re raised with because it feels normal. I was raised by a BPD mother so I married a BPD woman. I felt abandoned as a kid so I got into relationships where feared being abandoned. Conventional talk therapy helped me confront these shadows within - it was hard, it sucked, had my dark night of the soul. I was fortunate to find the right therapist; a bachelor in his forty’s who kept gently pushing me out of my dysfunctional comfort zone. Yoylo’s suggested course of action can definitely work as well; find what works for you.
You dodged a bullet and I’m both happy and relieved for you. Reading this two-part blog made me uncomfortable as it took me back to where I’ve been.
You’ve found your shadow, you’re half way to healing.
Thank you for sharing. If you don't mind me asking, how did you find your therapist?
Did you date while you were in therapy?
I want to get back out there, but it seems I will most likely attract the same type of women until I confront my issues.
Thought I replied earlier.
I was married for 18 years. I took 6+ months off before I started dating. Within 4 months I was in another relationship that lasted 7 years. Promised myself I wouldn’t begin dating again until I felt ready; that took almost 8 months. It was during this time that I encountered my dark night of the soul.
Been single and dating now for 2+ years, happiest I’ve been in my life.
I am certainly older than you, have a daughter, and a small group of amazing male friends. I don’t need a woman in my life anymore, so any I allow in has to be worth the effort. As Neitzsche (roughly) said, women are the most dangerous plaything.
Have you written in more detail about this somewhere?
I haven’t, and sometimes I feel I should. I often reflect on your post about sharing our stories; there’s the double benefit of perhaps helping someone else and putting into words the thoughts and emotions that sometimes get stuck inside us.
Write a guest post and I will post it.
Thank you! You have put me on the spot to shit or get off the pot. Probably just what I need.
Give me a day or two to consider.
I’m in. Want to take some steps to sanitize my online presence first.
Appreciate the opportunity 🤝
>> She started talking about wanting to go on dates with sugar daddies
Wow dude, among the reddest of red flags.
Regarding therapy, the most important part is to understand why you did it in a first place and what's driving your behaviour. I found a conventional talk therapy pretty useless for that.
What I'd recommend is you find a good NLP practitioner who does personal breakthrough sessions. If they are good, they will run a detailed personal history around your presenting problem and your patterns will pop in withing a single session.
When I did mine, she pretty quickly uncovered all the abandonment issues that drive my BPD-like behaviours. Now I understand myself better and the way I act and what drives it so I can pay attention to my own behaviours and don't run everything on autopilot.
I'll check this out. Many thanks, man.