I believe you’re tapping into something that’s been rattling around my mind lately. Namely, that so much of our journey is about becoming a better man, because being a better man, a better version of ourselves, can’t help but make us more attractive and sought-after by women. But the healthier I get the more obvious the disfunction becomes in the women I meet. And I’m left with this empty feeling that regardless of how attractive she is, I’m still settling…
Part of what I'm feeling, especially because I'm not attracting women in droves, is that I might be settling. But even more than that, I'm looking at the connection as a mirror to gauge where I am. I'm thinking, "Hmm, is this really where I am?" "Do I like where I am?" "Is this reflection (other person) going to improve my life?" Peeling back the layers, I often find things that are definite signs of disfunction. The tricky part, for me at least has been, there always seems to be something. Which leads me to my next thought/question. Do I continue to improve on my own, or is it possible to improve while co-existing with someone else who is working through their disfunction? Sometimes the path alone seems best, but sometimes I feel like I'm going in circles. And maybe, just maybe, trying to improve while co-existing with someone else could be another alternative. Albeit, risky.
I'm reading The Laws of Human Nature right now, and this concluding passage from "Resist the Downward Pull of the Group" is really hitting me.
"We like to focus on the psychological health of individuals, and how perhaps a therapist could fix any problems they might have. What we don't consider, however, is that being in a dysfunctional group can actually make individuals unstable and neurotic. The opposite is true as well: by participating in a high-functioning reality group, we can make ourselves healthy and whole. Such experiences are memorable and life-changing. We learn the value of cooperating on a higher level, of seeing our fate as intertwined with those around us. We develop greater empathy. We gain confidence in our own abilities, which such a group rewards. We feel connected to reality. We are brought into the upward pull of the group, realizing our social nature on the high level it was intended for. It is our duty as enlightened humans to create as many such groups as possible, making society healthier in the process."
I don't know if I will reach the higher levels by myself. I also think there will always be something, and maybe depending on your counterpart(s), maybe the dysfunction is worth working through, if you are both getting value from the relationship(s).
I believe you’re tapping into something that’s been rattling around my mind lately. Namely, that so much of our journey is about becoming a better man, because being a better man, a better version of ourselves, can’t help but make us more attractive and sought-after by women. But the healthier I get the more obvious the disfunction becomes in the women I meet. And I’m left with this empty feeling that regardless of how attractive she is, I’m still settling…
Part of what I'm feeling, especially because I'm not attracting women in droves, is that I might be settling. But even more than that, I'm looking at the connection as a mirror to gauge where I am. I'm thinking, "Hmm, is this really where I am?" "Do I like where I am?" "Is this reflection (other person) going to improve my life?" Peeling back the layers, I often find things that are definite signs of disfunction. The tricky part, for me at least has been, there always seems to be something. Which leads me to my next thought/question. Do I continue to improve on my own, or is it possible to improve while co-existing with someone else who is working through their disfunction? Sometimes the path alone seems best, but sometimes I feel like I'm going in circles. And maybe, just maybe, trying to improve while co-existing with someone else could be another alternative. Albeit, risky.
I'm reading The Laws of Human Nature right now, and this concluding passage from "Resist the Downward Pull of the Group" is really hitting me.
"We like to focus on the psychological health of individuals, and how perhaps a therapist could fix any problems they might have. What we don't consider, however, is that being in a dysfunctional group can actually make individuals unstable and neurotic. The opposite is true as well: by participating in a high-functioning reality group, we can make ourselves healthy and whole. Such experiences are memorable and life-changing. We learn the value of cooperating on a higher level, of seeing our fate as intertwined with those around us. We develop greater empathy. We gain confidence in our own abilities, which such a group rewards. We feel connected to reality. We are brought into the upward pull of the group, realizing our social nature on the high level it was intended for. It is our duty as enlightened humans to create as many such groups as possible, making society healthier in the process."
I don't know if I will reach the higher levels by myself. I also think there will always be something, and maybe depending on your counterpart(s), maybe the dysfunction is worth working through, if you are both getting value from the relationship(s).