People will often find ways to signal their dysfunction, and if they're signaling their dysfunction, it's sometimes useful to accept what / who they say they are.
I get the impression, maybe wrong, that you're by and large not getting higher quality girls on dates... that may be the part of the funnel to focus on... seems like you're getting dates, but not with the girls you'd like to date...
You are correct. I'm not sure how to close the gap. I started out aiming "really high", which in my head is what I think I should be getting by default. Those girls have mostly avoided me. These are the types of girls that the guys I was hanging around when I first moved here were attracting automatically. High quality girls were/are seeking them out. I noticed the gap for me then, and that's when I fell into the grips of La Amazona. I wasn't able to attract anything else last year.
I figured I need to try something...
Now, I'm getting dates again and it's generally gremlin quality. Even if they look good/passing my threshold, there's something wrong with their mind or I'm not the type of guy they want to behave for. I don't know.
I have three more dates this week. One from online, and two from an event last week. The two from the event seem ok (they look cute/seem sane), albeit both being partnered. So wondering what kind of quality they are.
If they all turn out to be a mess, I may need to reassess, pause on dates, and approach until I can somehow attract more normal girls.
I don't think one girl I've been with in all this time has matched or surpassed the quality of my ex-wife.
From the outside it's hard to say... something like in-person coaching may help, if you can find a coach who is worth a damn... I suspect (could be wrong here as well) that there's some sticking point, maybe a few sticking points, that might be addressable.
If I were going to guess from what little I know, from your writing, I'd guess that online is bad for you, and more daygame / real life approaches would be good.
A lot of the better girls date mostly from networks, I think. This can be made up for with daygame, however.
Could also be something else... fashion, posture, speaking too fast/slow/weird, too fidgety, too still, etc. Some guys need a relatively small # of tweaks and then boom, they hit the quality threshold.
I don’t know why you tried to kiss her on a date. It’s not necessary. I don’t remember a time when I actually kissed on a date. Non-binary is also all bullshit to be ignored. Just when you feel ready to pull or end it, say “I am going home. Would you like to come over”. No explanation, no “plausible deniability”. If she says no but you feel you established a connection, this means “not now”
Yea, there was a weird pause at the end of night and I went for it. I was ok with stretching things out a bit. It was late, and there was ambivalence on my part.
I'm also not interested in continuing the non-binary conversation if we were to continue to see each other. Not worth the headache, imo.
> saying that her pronouns are they/them. Damn this pronoun sh*t!
This is useful cause it tells you to find a better girl.
Ahh.. I hadn't thought about it like that.
People will often find ways to signal their dysfunction, and if they're signaling their dysfunction, it's sometimes useful to accept what / who they say they are.
I get the impression, maybe wrong, that you're by and large not getting higher quality girls on dates... that may be the part of the funnel to focus on... seems like you're getting dates, but not with the girls you'd like to date...
You are correct. I'm not sure how to close the gap. I started out aiming "really high", which in my head is what I think I should be getting by default. Those girls have mostly avoided me. These are the types of girls that the guys I was hanging around when I first moved here were attracting automatically. High quality girls were/are seeking them out. I noticed the gap for me then, and that's when I fell into the grips of La Amazona. I wasn't able to attract anything else last year.
I figured I need to try something...
Now, I'm getting dates again and it's generally gremlin quality. Even if they look good/passing my threshold, there's something wrong with their mind or I'm not the type of guy they want to behave for. I don't know.
I have three more dates this week. One from online, and two from an event last week. The two from the event seem ok (they look cute/seem sane), albeit both being partnered. So wondering what kind of quality they are.
If they all turn out to be a mess, I may need to reassess, pause on dates, and approach until I can somehow attract more normal girls.
I don't think one girl I've been with in all this time has matched or surpassed the quality of my ex-wife.
From the outside it's hard to say... something like in-person coaching may help, if you can find a coach who is worth a damn... I suspect (could be wrong here as well) that there's some sticking point, maybe a few sticking points, that might be addressable.
If I were going to guess from what little I know, from your writing, I'd guess that online is bad for you, and more daygame / real life approaches would be good.
I'd also guess that you don't have a lot of networks/ communities to draw from, except may social dance, and having relatively few or sparse networks is tough, https://theredquest.substack.com/p/the-network-approach-and-the-shotgun-approach-why-and-when-girls-flake-in-dating
A lot of the better girls date mostly from networks, I think. This can be made up for with daygame, however.
Could also be something else... fashion, posture, speaking too fast/slow/weird, too fidgety, too still, etc. Some guys need a relatively small # of tweaks and then boom, they hit the quality threshold.
Debugging is hard...
I don’t know why you tried to kiss her on a date. It’s not necessary. I don’t remember a time when I actually kissed on a date. Non-binary is also all bullshit to be ignored. Just when you feel ready to pull or end it, say “I am going home. Would you like to come over”. No explanation, no “plausible deniability”. If she says no but you feel you established a connection, this means “not now”
Yea, there was a weird pause at the end of night and I went for it. I was ok with stretching things out a bit. It was late, and there was ambivalence on my part.
I'm also not interested in continuing the non-binary conversation if we were to continue to see each other. Not worth the headache, imo.
He might have thought, "if this is an easy lay, okay, let's see right now," and if she's not an easy lay, move on.
I've been there...