I started the summer with little hope and practically gave up on gaming and doubled down on all things self-improvement, on all things me. During this time I’ve doubled down on health and fitness to the point that I don’t even recognize who I am anymore… in a good way. I’ve embraced the pretty boy that I’ve always been, because f*ck it, I might as well be true to me and do what I want if I’m living my best solo life. That in itself has been interesting. While there are perks to making myself more attractive, I’ve also noticed that some people with their own insecurities have treated me worse or will ignore me. There are also people that are asking me things like, “Why can’t you come drinking with us?” or “Why don’t you go out to eat?” I feel like these kind of people don’t really want to see you move forward or succeed, they want you to stay where they are… fat and unhappy. Change is difficult. And when others see that I am changing and moving forward, it reminds them of the things they are not doing, the chances they are not taking. I do understand that’s the way it is, and am using this time as a “changing of the guard.” What I mean by this is, I’m using this as a filter to understand which people no longer get to feature in the movie, that is my life. This also means that I’m in a transition phase again. I expect the people and the scenery to change. I also expect the solitude. It can be lonely. The key is to continue to do the things that are propelling me and creating positive feedback loops until I find myself on a new set. The tricky part is that the feedback is not always immediate and I need to continue to be patient. The right characters will show up eventually… I hope.
I haven’t been going out much. At all, really. But I've been getting quite broody, and I know when I get like this it’s because as much as I want to forge my own path and make a lot of progress, I do want connection. We are not meant to spend so much time alone, although sometimes it feels better than staying in “bad” or undesired company. So I went out to probably the only non-monogamy mixer I feel is worth going to right now. This is the only one where I actually see attractive people.
So I go, and as soon as I walk in I lock in my target. Long straight hair, brown skin, short, nice build, quite a bit of make up, but I can tell she’s actually pretty. She is there with her friend. Also pretty attractive. Most of the night most people were talking in groups. At the end of the night, I saw her talking to a guy, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I pulled her friend aside, and told her that I was ready to leave, but wanted to get her number first. The friend was trying to swat away a guy she didn’t want to talk to, so she gladly made a diversion to crash their one-on-one party. I pulled… let’s call her Cleopatra, to the side, and asked her for her number in a flirty way. I was a bit scared, because I was rusty and didn’t know what to say, but whatever came out naturally was flirty and I went with it.
We just got back from our first date. It lasted a lot longer than I expected. She was late, but she did a few things that stood out to me: She texted, and also called to apologize for being late. And when she arrived, she immediately said drinks were on her. This was without me having to tell her off, or “discipline” her. It’s immediately showing me what type of person she is. She could be faking it, but since most girls are always trying to squeeze out of me whatever they can, I can tell it’s most likely genuine.
So far, this girl seems amazing and she’s f*cking gorgeous1. She’s a very private person, as I generally am. She’s non-monogamous. Interesting. I think we both want something a bit more substantial, without closing other doors. She also married young. So she’s living her version of a “solo” lifestyle and is open to different relationship styles outside of the traditional. She seems stable and has a good job. A lot of things about our lives just seem to align ridiculously well. It’s crazy. So I stayed on the date longer than I would have if it were some rando I met online. I had a great time. It feels crazy to say this, but she feels like someone I could see myself with. Not getting my hopes up, but open to seeing how things unfold.
One thing I had been thinking about and confirmed by meeting her is the “type” of women I like. I like very feminine presenting women, that have a bit of a masculine aura about them. I’d like to think that I am the yin to her yang, masculine presenting with a bit of a feminine aura about me. As far as the other things I’ve been attracted to like wildness and creativity… Instead of seeking out those qualities in others, I think those are things best developed within myself to create a more actualized and balanced version of myself. Please be stable, sane, and able to take care of yourself.
As for TRQ, rest in peace. I was not surprised when I heard the news, but it was tough. Another one bites the dust2. TRQ was the reason I started writing. He was also a lot of the reason I kept going. I have “quit” game many times, and simply seeing a post of his pop up would either motivate me to try something new or to simply continue trying. He would also reach out to me during periods when I had nothing to write. He reached out even when he was sick and probably going through worse things than I could imagine. And I was here sulking about not being able to connect with any women.
I never met him, but he seemed like the only person in my life that made any sense. He seemed like a solid guy. An awesome guy. He kept it real where if I were to have these conversations in real life, I would only get corny platitudes like “be yourself.” He will be missed, but I think the energy that he put out into the world/universe is still with us, is on the pages of his blog, and lives on through each of us who continue to read the thoughts that he shared with us and continue our journeys to become better men, whatever that may mean for you.
I’m only interested in entertaining cute and hot women. Filtering on other things after that makes the circle of women I have to choose from a lot smaller, but it is what it is. I’d be going myself a disservice otherwise.
My ex-wife and father both died from cancer.
what happened to The Red Quest and where more info could be found?