Gym FR

A field report/ first date reflection plus some rambling

A while ago I noticed a really cute girl at the gym. Young, fit asian chick. One morning I noticed that she needed help removing the plates from the barbell. So I took my headphones out of my ear, and asked if she needed help. She nodded and smiled, and we both started removing the plates. Once we were done, I extended my hand, smiled, and introduced myself. Afterwards, I carried on with my workout.

The next time we saw each other, we gave each other a quick greeting. With every new encounter, it seemed like she was giving me more indicators of interest. There was a lot of direct eye contact, and I noticed she was making it a point to smile at me. Maybe this is all in my head, but it doesn’t happen often so I can tell it’s interest.

A few weeks pass and I see her again. This time, I try and strike up some small talk. She’s receptive. Ok… As I was leaving the gym, I realized, “Dude, she’s probably interested.” About 15 min pass, and I go back to the gym only to find that she’s not there anymore. So I made a promise to myself. The next time I see her, I’m going to invite her out for a coffee.

What feels like a few more weeks pass before I see her again. She gives me a big smile. I engage in more small talk. “What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you in a while.” I can hear my voice trembling, but I continue. I keep working out, but it’s hard to focus. My body was telling me, “This is your chance. Go for it.” So I do. I finish my workout early and catch her in between sets.

“Hey! :) I don’t know if this is appropriate, but would you like to go for a coffee?”

“Yes!” She replies.

Hands trembling, I grab her number and leave the gym.

This is how I like to do my approaching. More of a “warm approach”. I like to make myself a regular at a spot, and if I see someone I like, I gauge interest. Usually I will start with trying to make eye contact or trying to say Hi. If she’s looking away or doesn’t even bother mirroring me I don’t bother. However, if she reacts by mirroring or positively amplifying, it’s game on. I also make sure I’m talking to men and women so it comes off as me just being social.

I have also tried a few cold approaches, but haven’t gone past just making a remark or two about the person. Most people are trying to get somewhere or are too preoccupied with themselves for me to leave an impression. I also feel like I’m bothering them, so still not my favorite method.

This is my first gym pull. I’m generally against it, unless I gauge some interest. I think what is working for me here is 1) consistency. Seeing the girl multiple times before pouncing. and 2) demonstrating value. The guy you see doing bodyweight feats of strength. Yea, that’s me. People look. No need for me to embellish.

Update:

As for the date, I was too friendly. I knew I would most likely see her again so I didn’t want to say anything too wild. Although, it might’ve helped as she only really talked about work and her hobby. In hindsight I should have changed the topic here. She did say I was “courageous” for approaching. I guess this is evidence that approaching does set you apart, in a world where women are inundated with offers for d*ck online.

And then I did something silly out of impatience. Instead of seeding another date I sent her a text acknowledging that we go to the same gym and that I wanted to treat our connection with care. I also laid it out. I said I’d love to explore a sexual friendship with her or LJBF. She chose LJBF. I didn’t like the idea of beating around the bush and I wanted to experiment a little, so I was really direct. We’re still friendly and say hi to each other at the gym. She definitely seems like girlfriend material. She also seems very interested in status and titles, and to be honest, I could care less about that stuff. Making more money or trying to get better at my job is not going to get me more chicks or hotter chicks, at that. Not the way I want them, at least. I want desire. Maybe it’s an ephemeral thing I’m chasing. Maybe it’s ego. However, I can feel it’s pull on my being. Maybe I’ll get lost in the abyss of chasing tail, maybe I’ll find myself.

After my last experience (which I think was more a reflection of my inexperience and me moving in the wrong direction more than anything being “wrong” with me) , I spent months, practically in isolation thinking and I don’t want a girlfriend. At least not a full time one. Yea, it feels nice if it’s going well. Yea, it feels nice in the honeymoon phase. But I don’t think that life is for me. I’m not really interested in family life. Those realities have already presented themselves to me. I don’t need to experience them multiple times to understand, that’s not for me.

I am and always have been a rolling stone. The more I try to be “normal”, the more it seems I’m living a life that’s not authentic to me. The more headaches I cause for myself. The more I am dimming my light. So the goal for me is more to self-actualize more parts of my self as best as possible and live the best life I can live while I’m here. And that will mean different things at different times for me. Interests ebb and flow. Right now (my 30s), it seems to be girls and gym for me and I’m going to run with it. If I didn’t have my life together otherwise, I would stop. But I’m going to keep going. Because I do want connection, maybe just not the way “normal“ people consider it. Also, because I know I am capable. I am reaching for the self I know exists, even it takes me the rest of my life. However long that is. Even if I reach into the abyss of the unknown and never come back.